Sometimes I can’t believe I have to say the things I say every day, let alone how many times I have to say them. Motherhood is no joke, but here are some funny things that mom’s say.
Whats in your mouth? Why does everything have to go in your mouth?
Is that chocolate or poop? This is a game I’ve gotten quite good at. Tip: smell it first. Then smell it again to be sure.
Don’t touch the dog’s wiener. Seriously? Again?
What did you just throw away? We have lost so many remote controls, clothing, silverware, and an abundance of pacifiers.
Did you poop? Of course you did.
Who farted? And why is it always timed perfectly for Daddy to blame his farts on you. Why didn’t you have my back the other day at Target?
Don’t play with your private parts. If you have a boy, I’m pretty sure this never stops, even into adulthood.
Is there poop on me? It’s been an hour since I changed a diaper, but I still smell poop.
You can’t ride the dog. He may be as big as a horse and eat like one, but I don’t feel like a trip to the vet today.
Pick it up and eat it. The floors are (relatively) clean.
This is why we can’t have nice things! How do moms have beautiful Pottery Barn white slip covered sofas?
Don’t call me unless the house is burning down. Or if someone is bleeding and you can’t stop it with a tourniquet. I just need a little Mom Time!
If you don’t straighten up, I’m turning this car around. Who am I kidding? I need wine. Just stop it and I’ll get you a cookie at the grocery store.